It was just a regular Friday catch up for knock off beers when Matt and Kelvin met up yesterday at the Glen Hotel in Brisbane, Australia.
“I told Kelvo I only wanted to catch up for 1 beer, maybe 2”, a shoeless Matt Flake told our reporter on the streets of Bogotá.
“I tell you’s, that guy is convincing. Every time I hang out with him I tell him I just want to have a couple of quiet ones so I don’t get in trouble with the misso and it always escalates but this time it went too far”, he told our reporter while wiping his nose with his hand.
“So we’re literally sat there, two schooey’s deep having a cheeky slap on the pokes when he looks over at me from the machine next to me with that same cheeky little glint in his eye that he always gives me when he’s up to no good.
‘Don’t say it’, he told to me. So I told him ‘you don’t fucking say it mate’. It was at this point I knew I was already fucked”, he sighed while now blowing his nose with a piece of paper he’d just unrolled.
“Kelvo got out his phone, sent a message and told me to go get money out from the ATM. 10 schooey’s and a few black rats later I found myself on a plane en route to Los Angeles.
Honestly I’ve got no idea how I even got on the plane. The worst part about it is Kelvo wasn’t even on the flight with me and that’s when the anxiety really started to kick in.
I decided the only solution was to keep drinking so after 5 or 10 more beers and a connecting flight here I am.” he laughed nervously.
“I’ve tried to message the misso on Instagram and Facebook but she’s blocked me. The weirdest part is Kelvo’s blocked me too. I think my wallet has been stolen and all I have in my pocket is this piece of paper.” he said, while handing over the paper he just blew his nose with.
We reached out to Kelvin to comment on the events of the night but we are still yet to hear back.
